Marriage is one of the most profound commitments we can make, but even the strongest relationships can face periods of disconnection. Interestingly, data from the U.S. Census shows that divorce rates in America have decreased in recent years. The average frequency of divorces per 1,000 women decreased from 9.8 in 2012 to 7.1 in 2022, in line with statistics.
Sometimes these problems stem from a lack of intimacy, but many couples hesitate to even consider counseling or marriage sex therapy as a solution. This often leads to cold-war situations at home where everything might appear fine on the surface, with seemingly no need for divorce. Bills are paid, routines are followed, and there’s no glaring conflict—yet you feel like something’s missing.
This can be unsettling to live through and leave you questioning the strength of your bond. In this article, let’s explore three reasons why you might be feeling this way and what you can do to address them.
1. Lack of Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage
Emotional intimacy is the cornerstone of a fulfilling marriage and focuses on the need to feel deeply connected, understood, and valued by your partner. When emotional intimacy fades, your relationship can start to feel hollow, even if other aspects seem functional.
Similarly, the physical side of intimacy is just as important. Data from Statista shows that 22.9% of Gen X and 7.4% of millennials live in sexless marriages in the United States. Add in the baby boomers at 33.1% and Gen Z at 2.3%, and you’re looking at a whopping 65.7% of such marriages in total.
According to Denver Couples & Sex Therapy, there are several misconceptions about what sex therapy entails. The fact is, it’s not just for severe and dysfunctional situations, nor is it always focused on sex. Physical intimacy is often deeply connected to emotional and psychological aspects that sex therapy can help with.
Re-establishing emotional and physical intimacy requires focused effort and intentional actions. Start by scheduling regular “check-in” conversations where you discuss your feelings and listen actively to your partner. Remember, it doesn’t have to feel forced or fake if you can communicate in a way that works for your relationship and context.
2. Routine and Monotony
While routines can provide stability, they can also lead to stagnation in a marriage. When every day feels the same, it’s easy for excitement and novelty to fade, which leaves the relationship feeling lifeless.
According to Kendra Cherry, a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist on VeryWellMind, boredom can arise from several factors. These include giving up your goals to stay in the relationship or a lack of meaningful conversations.
Life’s demands, such as work, parenting, and household responsibilities, often take precedence over nurturing the relationship. Personal growth might also be neglected, making it harder to bring fresh energy to the marriage. The good news is that you can combat this monotony and the missing spark by trying to reintroduce novelty into your relationship.
It’s going to take effort, but spontaneous dates or new activities like weekend hikes can help get the ball rolling and rekindle things. Even if it’s just a day trip, it can make a big difference.
3. Marriage Communication Breakdowns
When communication falters, misunderstandings and unmet needs can create distance between partners. What’s more, modern technology now serves as a prime distraction to make communication even more scarce.
One study found that 37% of Americans said their partner was on the phone when they wanted to talk or do something together. Moreover, only 8% of couples did not report issues with phone usage in their relationship.
Seeing your partner in a world of their own can lead to arguments, but that’s not always a bad thing. With arguments, at least some form of communication is occurring, even though it’s toxic and unproductive.
What’s worse is if couples decide to withdraw and avoid discussions altogether. This is often caused by one side feeling unheard or dismissed during conversations, which causes them to feel frustrated and then withdraw.
Improving communication starts with active listening, and that requires an effort to understand your partner’s perspective before responding. Try using more “I” statements to express your feelings without assigning blame.
Couples therapy can give you many more such tools and insights to make your marriage more fulfilling, but you’ll have to decide to improve first!
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is it feasible for a marriage to survive without sufficient intimacy?
- Yes, but it requires effort. Addressing emotional and physical intimacy through open communication, counseling, and intentional bonding activities can help reignite connection and strengthen the relationship.
2. What is a monotonous marriage?
- A monotonous marriage is one where routine dominates, leading to boredom or a sense of stagnation. It often lacks excitement, novelty, and quality time, which can weaken the emotional bond over time. Breaking out of such a marriage can feel tough, but it is possible.
3. What are the 5 C’s of communication in marriage?
- The 5 C’s are clarity, compassion, compromise, consistency, and connection. These principles foster understanding, empathy, and trust and ensure that both partners feel heard and valued in the relationship.
All things considered, feeling like something is missing in your marriage doesn’t mean the relationship is failing. Rather, it’s an opportunity to reflect, reconnect, and grow stronger as a couple.
Remember, no relationship is perfect, but with awareness and mutual commitment, it’s possible to build a fulfilling partnership. Remember, marriage is a journey, and each step taken together—no matter how small—helps create a bond that stands the test of time.